Retrospection

It may sound a general expression, but the truth is I am surprised that we have reached the end of year,,Not long ago was i Wondering that this year has been a Slow one,, actually i am always amazed with the duality of our mind,,,

As the year comes to an end , i sit down, trying to reflect the year, that was,,, of course i have been doing the same since many years, but there seems to be some urge from within to actually retrospect the year that was.So here I am Pondering over how the year was,,,,,

Umh,,as i think, it seems to be another year of never dying Hope, and the after effect of the past,,,it did not seem much different,,as always i was hanging on the fact something would turn out good,,as i have been since the last few years, a few things which I thought would be settled of this year, still tempt me with that final string to be completed. And that pretty much summed up the Frustrations i had this year. Arguably this was the year, where in I was frustrated the most, whether it was the sign of the good things to happen, or a fatigue being reflected,,that time only should tell.

It marked a new dawn in my life,,,To live without some one, who was always with me,,,or i fear, is it Dawn yet ? or is it Silent Dark night,, that still haunts me,,, Well if this was the Night,, i Have hope for a Dawn,,, but on contrary if it is a new Dawn, well I am up to some serious things ahead,,,

The beauty of this whole year, in spite of of all the things, i learnt ,or rather forced, to take decisions on my own,some General, some personal, and need to agree, i Made some aw full mistakes, or is it really so,, is there a silver lining in it, as always been,, again that the time which would tell,,

Nevertheless, Life has to move on, and here i am, at the threshold of a new year,, although i have never been a guy, believing in the New year stuff, except for the need to remember the year for putting down a date, and my ever increasing New Dairies, which like many things in my life,, i never happen to write down regularly,,

But i cannot take this year, as it was, need some concrete planning to do, i know it is not my forte, but yes life teaches you many things, and with the fact that I no more have that person, whom i always relied on, and the truth, that I never lived up to the Grace GOD bestowed upon this prodigal kid,, time for some serious Soul searching.

Or , is it that, i would again pull a trick of at the last moment, as i always did,,and be the Ultimate winner, when it was all said and done,,, ummh, well these thoughts keep flowing,, and so does the pain and hope they bring along,,, But finally as i always believed, I never chose my destiny,, but the Destiny chose me,,

Reflections

Over the period of time, I have been able to make up some Quotes, which rather are a reflection of my thoughts. Well, I may not be worth some one giving Quotes, at least not yet,, but here are few thoughts which flashed in my mind:

"The Individual ability does not define a team, as much as the responsibility one feels for the team."

“Patriotism is not about loving the country; it is about loving the people of the country”

“The Authority is not reflected by the Power one yields but the love and empathy one shows”

“Personal Discipline is a great virtue, as long as it does not disturb others “

“For all the things I Loved, the Loved ones I lost and for all the people who loved me, Thank you God for giving me a chance to experience the real you.”

"Life is a journey between a Reality to an Illusion to another Reality,,,Sucess lies in Knowing the reality and being happy with the Illusion"

hoping that this is not the end.........

Patriotism

The moment I saw the mail from Pradeep, asking to write about my own view on “Patriotism”,for this independence day, I felt it is one easy topic to write on, as this was something I have been hearing, reading, discussing from childhood., But when I actually started to write, that was when I realized it is not as easy as I initially thought off. I started my thought process, and gradually my mind was filled with a lot of perceptions, definitions,and sayings about patriotism, mostly fed by what I read and heard in past.

As they say, too much of choice is a curse rather than a blessing, my mind was unable to actually sort out this maze to arrive at a single definition of “Patritiosm”,which would amalgamate all these thoughts into one. It was then; I decided to resort to my old fired, which always helped me in such fixes, my Heart. That’s when I decided let my heart do the work, rather than my mind slugging out with its huge database. My Heart prompted me to think why I would consider myself to be a Patriot. One tough question, my mind had a tough time, answering this, but it decided to take the practical approach for this. That was when I thought of what it would have been if I was living in the Pre independence era. The scenes of freedom struggle, the portraits of the great freedom fighters, etched in my memory, flashed, and as it always happens, I had Goosebumps.

This made me question myself, what is it that they did, that even after more than 60 years the thought of them itself, provides such great experience and inspiration. Well, people say they were patriots, but why?

No matter what their ideology was, either the Non violence, or a violent retribution, they did something which has its repercussions still experienced to this day. They fought for Freedom of their mother land, for their fellow country men, and dedicated their lives to this cause. So I felt, that was patriotism, fighting for your mother land, I tried to imply it to the present age, what should I fight for and against whom, there are not any despotic lords ruling my nation, no foreign rule, wait wait!!!! There are despotic people ruling my country, might not be the fair skinned, but my own country men, There are foreign intruders, might not be the British and French, but the terrorists, and the internal sectarian’s equivalent to them,trying to run riot in my nation. Well, that is when I felt it is against these that I need to fight against, that is what I need to do as a patriot at this age.

The meaning of patriotism seemed clear, I understood what I was supposed to do, but my mind, as always had a doubt, how do I do it? How do I fight against all these evils, I am not as big as them, nor many of my country men,. So I decided to give it a re thought, as of how to do it, and as was the case earlier, decided to

draw inspiration from the Post independence era, that was when two two things came to my mind, the Non violence moment & thanks to an forgotten poem by Lord Tennyson, a separate class of peoples, not he Freedom fighters, but Businessman, and other civil servants.

The Nonviolence moment, reminded me of the need for unity. I remember what my dad said, helping me in one of my initial speeches “United we stand divided we fall”. A small group of British traders were able to become rulers of India because of the divisions among the Indian kings and Emperors, but a movement consisting of common people, and led by a common man, was able to defeat the Mighty British Empire.

That made it clear; it is the Unity which would define the Course of my Nation.

The second thought was of the Businessmen, and civil servants, like Jemshedgi Tata, G.S.Birla, the great businessmen, who have pioneered the industrial revolution in India, and Major General Cariappa, Krishnaswamy and other Military leaders and Diplomats, who led India in the formative years. They never took part in the direct Freedom struggle, but laid the foundation on which the Post Independence India was able to survive and keep its freedom intact.

Now The definition of Patriotism seems to be a bit clear to my view, I felt relieved of finally able to truly understand something, which I thought I know earlier, but never actually did not.

Patriotism for me was defined by to parameters, firstly love all the country men, be unified with every one and have the feeling of One India. and secondly, it is always no needed for you to fight the evils directly, you can do them by doing your own responsibility as a citizen correctly, which would pave the way for a Greater India. And as Adam smith believed in the Invisible Hand running the economy, I need to now believe in the Invisible hand which would join all the efforts of my responsible country men., towards what we call development.

Now this said, its my motivation now to be a responsible citizen, and influence my fellow country men, with my personal example. Tough task, but the motivation provided by all the great men, would be enough to give me the strength to do it.

I miss you

Over the course of life, we come across many people, some stay with you for ever and some although with a minimal interaction, set a lasting effect. Few people, you choose to live with, and few you ought to virtue of relationship.

As in every ones case, even I went through the same and still going through, and had the privilege of meeting few of the finest and worth noting lives, at least to the gamut of the world i live day in and day out.

But particularly, there has been one life which has influenced me more than any one, and obviously it has to. Friends are bound to make a lasting impression than any one, especially the best friend, and truly i miss my best friend in my life, MY DAD.

Its been around 7 months, that he passed away, but i still cannot get over the fact, that he isn’t no more. the mark he left on me is much more than what a Father leaves on his son. At least for me he was not a father, or just a father, but truly speaking my soul. I miss my MOM, and when she passed away, i felt that was the greatest jolt in my life, and than it lost some one, whom i loved the most, or some one who loved me the most, or as i feel the only one who loved me in spite of all my short comings.

But the loss of my Father, as I now start experiencing was something different form the loss of my Mom..

Mom, I miss the pampering or that warmth of motherly love. But as in Dad’s case it isn’t just the fatherly feeling, i miss him much more or different from that.

i happen to do something in the office, or outside, appreciation or any thing, I feel like sharing with someone, but I don’t have him any more, I miss him as a friend.

Something i feel like discussing, about the politics, religion etc,somthing I felt needs to be discussed, but i don’t have him any more. These days, I feel my thought process has staganted,that I don’t get that input which used to feed my thought, i miss my teacher, for the philosopher(i bet he was one), he has been, the source of all the thoughts which shaped me ,through this years, and continue to do so, even in his absence. but i truly miss that fountain of thought I so readily consumed, now i need to struggle, create my own source.

I many a times feel low, as always has been with me, but now I don’t find someone whom I can look up to, that live example which strode before me althrough my life, providing me that bit of inspiration to carry forward, i miss him , my ever true mentor.

Dad i miss you, i miss you more than any thing else in life. I always thought I loved mom, and respected you, but off late realized, it was something more than love or respect i have for you, I don’t know what that feel is, but truth is I miss you Dad, I miss you!!!

Two Paths Ahead

At some point in life, a time comes where you just stand still and try to understand what is going around you, and what one would like to do with them, especailly the way they would mould your future.Actaully it would be very little that you would be able to do to influence them, but something in you doesn’t allow you to keep calm, and allow the things to go ahead as they are. You would be tempted to either tamper with the things or try indulging in something to alter the course, or stoically stay away from any alterations.

But man, as he is known to be rarely does keep calm. And that’s exactly how i feel now.Inspite of the stoic nature i am attributed to; I always had the tendency of not keeping calm. and here I am set to do something with my career. And unfortunately as in many a cases I am stranded between two options, whether to pursue your dream, or to go ahead with a good fetching current career.

I am really in two minds to decide on my fate. the decision I take now would surely impact my career in the long run. The current profile I have does not have any problems and I actually believe I can flourish, in my current role. But somewhere the urge to fulfill my passion pulls me.

Not sure where I would be headed into. But surely, the path I finally decide to take would have great repercussions on what i would finally achieve.

i guess it finally is turning in to the struggle between the heart and the Brain.

Only a perfect balance of both would be helpful.

It is left to the destiny to decide whether the path i take would be correct.

And actually it is strange to notice that after all the thinking I rely back on destiny to decide.

umh!! Human thinking is really strange......